Oh... hi there!
It's been awhile since I've actually sat down and done a proper blog. My life has been nothing but busy this year and honestly... I'm alright with it. I went to Lithuania for a couple of months to teach English to kids, and I got really sick around the end of my stay there, and when I got home, I found out that I had tumors in a few places in my body. The one tumor I have in my brain is still there, but the other ones are removed and I'm doing alright with that.
I have a boyfriend. Which is really cool. I'm kind of leaving it at that because if I start talking about him then I probably won't stop, and that's pretty much okay. He's one of my favorite topics. Fun fact, I've talked about him a number of times before, so you're probably familiar with him. His name is Henry*. And I'm in love with him.
Recently, I haven't been okay in my day to day, personal life. I came home and I stayed home pretty much. I've been to Utah a few times and I went to Disneyland/Los Angeles with my family before my sister moved to Utah for college. I was in Vegas last week to see my favorite band for the 295th time. But other than that, I haven't really done too much, and I guess that's okay because yes I have a job. In fact, I have two jobs, which I love very much. It's not about money or anything of the sort. It's about my depression. It's about my mental illnesses in general. It's about me being sick in general.
I don't feel okay to live on my own. That in itself I think is a good thing to admit; I'm not stable enough and I feel like I'll die if I do. But lately, I've been making a lot of changes and it feels so stinking good. I don't talk to many people anymore, and the people I do talk to I know are people who back me up. They're there for me. They're my people. You know? I had a milestone the other day, and I became five years free of self harm. I don't cut myself anymore and I'm thankful for that. The day after that, I went back to therapy for the first time since.. oh man, maybe FOUR years. I was thinking about it and I think I was in therapy for a second when I was in Provo but not Logan. Which is even more of an accomplishment for me when I think about it.
I chose to go to therapy. I wanted to. And I still want to. And my session there earlier this week was good. I don't feel new and rebranded or anything just yet, and that's fine. I'm not expecting to feel 100% better after one visit but it's a start and at the end of the day, that's what matters. I'm getting better and I'm taking the steps myself to not be as sick. My goal is to be in my own place and feeling good on my own by December. I know it's the end of September now, but I want that to be my goal. I want to not be sad at things and cry over a garbage bag box or cry over literal spilled milk. At the end of the year, I want to live in a cute little place with my plants and maybe a cat.
This used to be some cute fashion blog. I used to share my Bath & Body Works. I used to share songs. This isn't that blog anymore. This is for my healing. And probably sharing songs I like, let's be real. Music saves lives.
Join my journey with me? Then stay tuned.
* = maybe his name is Henry. Who knows? I sure don't.
