I legit almost forgot to do this post tonight. Happily in the last hour of it being Friday, I arrive in fashionably late.

Honestly, I don't really have anything worth blogging this week. Just your generic, average week. But I'm glad it's the weekend at the same time.

I saw the Paper Towns movie last night at the first night of it being open. It was an alright movie. I like Cara. I was pleasantly surprised she could act. The little surprise cameo by someone I won't mention for spoiler's sake was also exactly that: A surprise.

Everyone screamed.

No one has any chill these days. (;

//i kid, i kid//

I think I've ran into a wall, metaphorically. I've got a little bit of writer's block that I'm just going to go ahead and call blogger's block.

I have a really really fun post that I hope to get up in the next week or two, but it's literally going to take quite awhile, especially for me, since there's going to be a lot going into it. And I don't have too much free time anymore at the moment where I am. But I'm making it my goal to get it to the public by the time I get out, which is on the 17th.

Wish me luck.

I'll be needing all the luck in the world haha.

But really, I think the post is going to be a really fun one. I've seen many bloggers make the same post but a little differently, including the same things and different things, so I thought I'd give it a try as well.

Always tryna fit in in the blogging community.

I still hope people read this thing.

Regardless. I read this sometimes.

So yeah. We'll see.

Sorry for being so lame this week. I honestly don't know what to talk about. I'm going traveling with my mom when I get out of here, so I'm looking forward to that. I haven't seen my mom in a long time, and she's honestly my biggest fan and my loudest cheerleader. So I'm really excited to spend some time with her before I start work and go back to classes.

Holy cow. It's almost time to start classes.

Also: The Bath & Body Works scent I'm wearing today/tonight is the Vanilla Bean Noel scent. Yes, it's part of their holiday line, and yes I'm wearing a Winter scent in Summer*. Who cares. Obviously you can't get this in stores right now because... ya know.

Summertime.

But if you're reading this and think to yourself "Oh man, oh man, I really need to smell like vanilla, but I don't want any of their vanilla scents that they sell right now!", then you can definitely find products in that scent on Amazon. Body cream, lotion, perfume, shower gel, you name it, Amazon has it.

And for relatively cheap, as well.

So there you go.

I'm sorry this is so lame and late.

Next week hopefully will be better!

xx

* = YOLO**.
** = except not really.

Muzak & Clizzoz

I only have a few jams to tell y'all about today. I'm still pretty gung ho with the ones I blogged about last time (see two posts ago, I think). I'll probably be okay with those songs for awhile.

But here are a couple (literally two) new ones that I'll probably add to my rotation

Could Have Been Me - The Struts
Young & Unafraid - Moth and the Flame

Links are the song titles.

Y'ALL I WORE THAT CUTE DRESS TODAY THAT I MENTIONED YESTERDAY.

Get ready for this, okay? The shock of how cute it is may kill someone.

LOOK. HOW. CUTE.

And my booties made a comeback! Seriously, those are like.. my favorite pair of shoes. I LOVE THEM. I love my entire outfit today. Talk about being on point.

*insert hair flip emoji here*

Dress: $27.50 at Head Over Heels. Get it here.
Tights: A generic white pair that I forgot where I got them, so I'm linking to a pair that Target sells. Get them here.
Shoes: ON SALE FOR 50% OFF! Right now selling for $26.99 at ModCloth. Get them here.
Necklace: I just linked to an Etsy shop that sells Australia necklaces. I also got mine on Etsy, but I can't remember the shop I bought it from, and I'm so sorry for that. This one sells for $9.99 on Etsy. Get it here.
Bracelet: $12.99 at SexyModest (gold is sold out). Get it here.

The Bath & Body Works scent of the day was Sheer Cotton & Lemonade that was part of their Southern Collection. And you know your girl had to nab something from that collection. I had asked one of my friends to get it for me (with my own money, of course) at the SAS and what do you know, I have it! The SAS cleared it the heck OUT though. It's completely sold out online and I don't know if you can find it in stores anymore.

I really wanted the Georgia Peach & Sweet Tea scent, but I wasn't able to get it, but that's okay. I think their Peach Bellini is extremely similar to it. So if I really want it later on, I can just buy Peach Bellini. I'm not sure what would be similar to Sheer Cotton & Lemonade, but pretty much anything with "cotton" in the name would most likely be a good alternative option.

Or heck, Amazon is also a good last resort if you really want something. I've purchased a few products off Amazon and it's been nothing but good for me.

Also I can't wait to go home so I can burn candles. I miss all my candles. And I can't wait to burn them all and have my house smell really good.

Anywho, I think that's all I have. I blogged about music, clothes, and smell good stuff. I think that's all! I may not be able to burn candles, but I AM allowed to take a bubble bath!

Bubble up, y'all.

Love you.

xxx

Friday Night Musings: #fbf

Yeah, son. You heard that right.

#fbf

I'm bringing the band back together. I'm doing something that I used to do on here but haven't really been able to since I've been where I've been.

Yeah. That makes all the sense in the world.

I'm bringing back "What I Wore Wednesday". On a Friday.

Honestly though, I wore like.. nothing today.

//lolz//

Okay, I wore clothes, obviously. But I didn't wear a lot. I kept it lazy, ja feel?












I wore a dress, leggings, shoes, and earrings. Because I'm so lazy in the summer. I literally don't care about my fashion choices here in the summer because it's too dang hot.

I almost wore a dress from Head Over Heels, but I chose a different one at the last second. I'll probably end up wearing it tomorrow. I LOVE that store!

But I had this sweet getup going on today.

I didn't really care if the leggings didn't exactly match my outfit 100%, but they're super colorful and have cherry blossoms on them. Which, ya know.

Is kinda my thing.

Cherry Blossoms.

//sidenote, my yoga mat also has them on it//

ALSO THE DRESS HAS A BOW IN THE BACK! I would have also included a picture of the back, but that picture didn't feel like saving. But you'll be able to see it when I link to it.

This is all from ModCloth.

Dress: $59.99 at ModCloth. Get it here.
Leggings: $79.99 at ModCloth. Get them here.
Shoes: $29.99 at ModCloth. Get them here.
Earrings: $14.99 at ModCloth. Get them here.

Also if anyone cares, the scent from Bath & Body Works I wore today was their Country Apple scent. I thought the Semi Annual Sale sold it all out, but I was just looking online to make sure, and the scent is available in the perfume, shower gel, and body lotion. I have the perfume (AKA the fine fragrance mist) and the body cream. Like I said, I aaalways layer the body cream with the perfume. I just don't like the lotions that much. I need something thicker for my skin.

Eye dee kay.

I like posting what I wear. Even though I don't really want to ever be a fashion blogger. Lol watch me actually become a fashion blogger. But I do like posting things that I like wearing. Like maybe something that I linked to looked nice to someone who happens to stumble across my little corner of the internet.

That would be cool.

Honestly, I just shop at Target, Walmart (maybe), Anthropologie (on a good day bc f'real, that stuff is so pricey), Head Over Heels, ModCloth, Charlotte Russe, SexyModest, and Forever 21.

That's my secret, y'all.

Where I shop.

I like my sense of fashion. Finna look cute for da boyz but always remember that #modestishottest

^ but that's just like, my opinion, man. Look cute but stay modest. Also (and I'm no expert on fashion advice) I've just found the clothes and colors that look good on my body type. If something doesn't look good on me, I won't buy it.

Anyway, that's about it this week. I hope to show off the stupid cute dress I wanted to wear today sometime. It's so cute, I'm unable to even.

Haha.

Love you all.

Be my friend and add me on social media! Links in the sidebar!

xx

Muzak

Songs I'm currently turning up to full blast when I hear them:

Are You What You Want to Be? - Foster The People
Baby Blue* - Action Bronson
Blame It on Me - George Ezra
I Lived - OneRepublic
Boys Latin - Panda Bear
I Don't F**k With You** - Big Sean
Supremacy - Muse
Buddy Holly - Weezer
My Type - Saint Motel

Links to the songs are the song titles.

Like I said, I really love playlists, even if it's just telling people on here what I'm currently jamming to. Also my taste in music is amazing.

* = haha yeah no, I'm not sorry.
** = lmao, still not sorry.

Friday Night Musings: Opportunities & Hobbies

I feel like the last few Fridays have been a little personal and down, so let's try and turn a 180 into some cool stuff!

//woo hoo//

Today, just a couple hours ago, I got an email that could possibly change my life and could change the way I set things up for the rest of the year. It somewhat goes with one of my jobs (actually it does go with one of my jobs) and it honestly sounds like a really good idea. I don't want to go into too much depth about it, because while I know what it entails, I have solidified it yet. AKA I haven't told the bossman if I've taken it or not.

There are huge pro's and con's with this. If I take it, I probably won't be able to do all the traveling I've lined up to do later on this year, come Autumn and Winter. And I'll be on my own. But I'll be getting paid more. And I'll have a lot more options to do things on my own (since, ya know, I'll be on my own).

It's a risk I might be willing to take. We'll see in a few days once I've figured it out 100%. I'm known to be a real "back and forth" kind of person. Also I'm very well known to be very bad at making choices. But it's all part of adulting. Adulting sucks, but it happens.

Could be worse I suppose. At this point in time, I would probably take it. But since I don't know what I'm getting into, I'm holding off for a little bit.

--

I have a few hobbies. One of which turned into my other job. The one that pays a little more. Haha. I like making videos. Videography. I love making really crappy and shaky iPhone videos. I think it's so much fun. I despise the very first video I uploaded to my Vimeo account because I have a few clips in there that are there more than once. Repeats. It's pretty embarrassing, especially because it was of my best friend's house over June of 2014. And the music just cuts off.

The second video is a little better? I think. It's of a field that I was walking in with a family friend on the way back from some little event thing. It's really pretty. But I wish I was somehow skilled enough in iMovie to get it so the music also doesn't cut off.

It's abrupt and I hate it. So it's more things to work on. But I like editing movie clips and whatnot. It's something I could see as a small hobby. I don't think I ever want to go into videography professionally.

I saw this post on Tumblr maybe a month or so ago, and it was this girl who has Synesthesia, and she would listen to music while she painted, and the outcome would be these extraordinary paintings. I thought about giving that a go a few times, and it's actually sort of cool? I don't talk about having Synesthesia often.

What is Synesthesia, you ask?

Click -> there <-

No one has it the same.

I don't taste sounds nor do I think shapes have sounds.

I hear colors. And everyone is a color to me.

I listen to music when I paint and I paint what I hear. Things have colors to me. Sounds have color to me. People are colors to me. Sometimes, and this is probably just ironic, the color that I associate with a person or with their voice is their favorite color.

It's sort of funny.

I'll tell them what color they sound like or what color I say they are, and then they'll be like "Whoa, that's like.. my favorite color!".

But it's way annoying when someone's all like "WHAT COLOR IS THIS?", "WHAT COLOR ARE THEY?", "WHAT COLOR IS THAT PART OF THIS SONG?".

Chill.

I also love playlists.

Like... I love them.

I love making them for myself, for friends, for a mood I might be in in the future, for what I think about people, for an event, for anything. I love making playlists.

I have an account on 8tracks that I would really like to use, especially because I have a billion of them on my iTunes. I'd love to get them out into the world so everyone can see them. Also I have a great taste in music. I love my music taste.

Honestly, I don't even know why I like making them. But going through my iTunes library (when I can) and putting songs into a mix is so great. It's like a mix CD that you'd give to your crush in the 90's. It's not exactly old school, but saying "hey I made a playlist of songs that make me think of you because you're so great" is... so great.

I love it.

Also I'm a sap. I've accepted that, especially because I'll most likely always be a sap. Except it may also be a little cliche. And I hate cliches.

Forever contradicting myself. Sometimes.

Anyway, Happy Friday. Have a bomb weekend y'all.

xx

If you wanna be my lover

GIRL POWER.

Okay I had to make a Spice Girls reference. I'll always love them. Baby Spice was my favorite. Fun fact if you want to know my inner 90's girl. Kid. I was born in 1994.

Meh.

Last night sucked. Like, it really really sucked. I made a text post on my Tumblr blog (you can see the link to it on this exact blog) about how I really wanted to do bad things to myself, those things including starting over being self harm free (I've done so well with my control when it comes to self harm, and I'll be three years clean on September 26th) and wanting to jump off the roof.

And I didn't do either of those two things. Also because I don't know how to climb onto the roof. I think that would be a struggle in itself. I truly think the only time I would jump off a roof is to land safely in a pool. Or on a trampoline. Without breaking an arm or something.

Come on. Jumping off a roof onto a trampoline would be so fun.

Maybe?

I can't test that out.

Don't test that out for me, mmkay?

About the paragraphs above, I'd like to say that today is better. I'm feeling a lot better and I'm in a lot chipper mood. Some advice: Take a bubble bath. And have yourself a good cry. Wonderful things. There's nothing wrong with crying. It feels so good post sob session. It feels awesome to just get out your emotions with however way you feel about going about it.

It's awesome.

Sometimes I also like to look back on emails between me and some cutiepie missionary boy.

Hollaaaa.

I like him. He's really great and such an awesome example.

Basically I would totally hold hands with him.

*_*

^ ^ ^ ^  that's sorta what I look like when I think about him. I posted this snippet of an email he sent me awhile ago on my Facebook page and on my Instagram (links also in the sidebar).

Like... what. I like this. And it's all so accurate.

*_* *_* *_* *_* *_* *_* *_*

Yours truly, Supergirl.

xx

Filler

It's nice being home for a few days. I like holiday weekends and I like being close enough to home.

Except when I thought Saturday was Sunday, and a couple of my friends gave me the huge reminder that it was Saturday. Then I actually started crying because I'm a baby. So uh.. go figure I guess?

v.v

I was sad for most of yesterday and going into today. Idk y'all. I get emotional way too easily. Plus I was going through some feels. I have PTSD and prone to getting triggered by things easily. And it was also a bad body image time.

Again, go figure.

We'll see how it goes for the rest of the day. I'm ever the optimist about how I feel.

ALSO I CHANGED MY BLOG LAYOUT.

It looks lame but it'll do for now.

I love tinkering with blogs and layouts. I have little graphics and stuff on my photobucket account so I'll overhaul it when I'm done being here.

Lahv you.

Friday Night Musings: Homelessness

This July is already a 180 from what last July was.

July 3rd, 2014, I learned I was going to be homeless if I didn't find something quick. Between family goings on and with the people I was living with having to get me out of their house (I have no hard feelings towards this family at all whatsoever, even though I know 100% for a fact that they still feel bad and they have no reason to), I had nowhere to go and I needed to find a place fast.

I lived with my friend in her dorm room for a few days, the maximum allotted time I was allowed, and then... I was on the street.

Literally.

I had nowhere to go and I didn't have the money to get a hotel room, or stay at a hostel, or anything.

Somewhere in between all of that though, I do remember being in a hotel. The months from May to September are blurry. My bad.

I didn't know where to go, so I camped out at a Starbucks in the town I lived in and grew up in until closing time, stealing their wifi to hopefully find a place. And I never did with the money I had.

I became one of those people that had to sleep in a park. I had no other choice.

And it was hard. It was another thing that made 2014 one of the worst, if not the worst year of my life.

While this happened, I liked a guy. He was really cool. He lived in the state that I lived in while all this crap was going down, and we talked about it. But that I know of, there really wasn't much he could do, given his circumstances and mine.

I was scared. I was terrified. I wanted so desperately to walk along one of the bridges that you drive under when you enter the town I lived in, and jump off it onto the highway below. I wanted to give up so badly. I didn't want to do anything at that point anymore. Giving up seemed like a good idea.

At the same time, I needed brain surgery. I've had problems with my brain for a few years, and I needed a surgery to fix something. My dad and I's relationship was hardly there, and in this current time, we don't talk at all. I've realized this and have come to terms with it a long time ago. At the same time, he was withholding more or less $8,000 of my own money. I asked him time and time again if he could put it in my bank account (note to self: never ask your dad to put money in his bank account) and each time I asked, he told me no.

Around that time, my friend saved me. The one whose dorm room I lived in half an hour away. She saved my life. She risked getting in trouble by smuggling me in her dorm room again because her roommate was going to be gone for awhile. I was able to get in contact with my dad again about surgery.

After awhile... I had the surgery. And I was able to go back home.

July 2014 was rough.

Homeless.

Needed brain surgery.

Guy I liked totally screws me over (who cares).

Going back home.

Healing.

July 2015 is already a lot better, just being three days in. I'm not in contact with my dad and even some of my family members because of things that happened. But I'm strong. And I didn't give up. I have great people in my life, especially the family members who chose to listen to my dad, but also didn't give up on me either. And I have the most amazing friends in the world.

Including the ever popular stud muffin missionary. (he's so cute)

Who, no, isn't the guy I liked this time last year.

hesbetterthantheguyilikedlastyear

#SORRY #NOT #SORRY

I've learned a lot. And I'm happy with who I am. No, I'm also not homeless anymore, either.

And yes, the friend that saved my life is in my prayers every day. I go to bed thanking her, and I wake up thanking her.

Thanks, B. I love you.

I would love to go back in time and tell my old self from a year ago that it's all going to be okay. Because it ended up being okay.

Actually... it ended up being more than okay.

Love you guys.

(PS IT'S MY LAST FULL MONTH OF BEING HERE!)

psps: i'm tryna update my blog layout again - sorry i'm not consistent haha!

xx