Straight up.
I am the bitchy friend in everyone's friend group.
But I know I'm the bitchy friend and it's not like I'm so bitchy I'm unaware to the fact that I am the bitchy friend.
And no, I'm not trying to get a meter going of how many times I say "bitch" or "bitchy".
Heads up y'all, I'm going to be saying it a lot in this post.
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I'm a bitchy friend.
I'm self centered and I talk about myself. A LOT.
And I think that's been a big cause of so many friend breakups I've had with people over the last few years. I've been through a ton of things, and I guess I maybe lost the capability of asking people about themselves or talking about other people in general. All I know how to talk about is me and how I'm doing. And to talk about things that I'm going through.
It probably seems to a lot of people that all I can do is think about myself because I put that vibe out there. I have friends who tell me what they're doing in their life and I ignore it or pass it by or mention it briefly but then I always go back to myself.
And I don't want that to be the case.
I guess you could say that I'm the bitch friend on accident.
I don't mean to talk about myself or not ask you (you, as in someone I'm friends with, no one specific) about what you're doing in your life. I truly read what you're telling me and I'm so happy. I'm probably the number one fan of every single person I'm friends with. PLEASE tell me what you're doing. PLEASE talk to me about prom. PLEASE talk to me about graduation. Tell me about what's going on.
And PLEASE don't be offended if I don't acknowledge it. I truly do read what you're saying to me and I'm so proud of you and I want to give you a hug and cookies.
I just don't say it.
And I don't know why I don't and I don't know why I can't.
I've tried and I've tried and I've tried.
And I feel like I'm wearing out the "I'm sorry I don't know how to talk to other people about them and I'm trying" answer. Because I'm honestly been giving that answer for... probably a year and a half.
And I want to think that the whole "bitchy friend" thing stems from when my parents put me in therapy at the end-ish of my junior year of high school (circa... May 2012). As soon as I opened up to my therapist and would talk about the things I've gone through, I think I started seeing people in my every day life as a therapist, and would then talk to them about myself. And I don't think I've learned to stop doing that.
I'm not sure if that's correct or if that's even a good thing to say about myself. It sort of makes me sad when I think about it.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm the accidental bitch friend, who will always support you and love you and be proud of every single good thing you're doing in your life, but I just won't tell you.
I think right now, the best thing to do is just tell me what you're doing in your life and to NOT mention me at all. Don't ask me what I'm doing. Don't say "I saw such and such and thought of you" or a variation of. Tell me what YOU are doing. And then I'll most likely ask questions and then we can get a conversation going like that.
But you know... only if you want to do that.
Also if you're my friend and don't like talking about yourself and are okay with me blabbing on and on about myself, then well... I guess that's chill.
I just want people to know that I'm the accidental bitch friend and that just because I don't talk to you about you doesn't mean I don't care about you. I love you all so much and you all mean the world to me, even if I have a shitty way of showing it. And I'm so sorry from the bottom of my heart if you feel upset because I don't talk about you or ask how you're doing. I'm so extremely sorry and I can't even put into words how sorry I am. Except that you try and let me get it right.
I truly love you all.
xx
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