June 13th

June 13th is a personal day for me.

Three years ago today, on June 13th 2012, I was in the hospital because I weighed 86 pounds. Back then I had a lot of issues with my eating and it spiraled out of control to the point where I couldn't really stop it if I wanted to. Back then though, I don't think I did want to stop it. I was going through a really rough time.

I remember not caring about what was happening to me. I didn't want to be there.

I'm being brief about everything mostly because things are either too personal for me to talk about on here at this moment, and also because I'm a little bit busy but at the same time I want to get this out while it's still June 13th.

I was in the hospital weighing 86 pounds in 2012.

I graduated high school two years ago in 2013. At that time, it was my greatest accomplishment. I didn't think I was going to be alive to see that. I tried to take my life a few times in that school year, each of those tries were fails. Looking back, I can't express how grateful I am that they didn't work.

Senior year was when a lot of problematic crap happened, including many surgeries. I always ask people "what were you doing on Thanksgiving 2012?" and I always get the generic answer from people if they celebrate that holiday. They were with family, eating good food, watching TV, watching football, etc.

I was having open heart surgery.

But I graduated high school. I was able to graduate high school.

I think the only reason why I was even able to graduate on time was because I was taking college classes at the same time over at the local community college. I want to say that one college class is the same as three high school credits, so it worked well for me in that way. I mean, it got me to graduation.

//yay//

2014 sucked. Well, up until May of that year. It only got better in September. I credit three very specific people that made it better. One knows who she is, but I don't think the other two are aware. One of which I don't even talk to anymore, but I hope one of these days, I'll get to tell the other one. Because I do still talk to that one.

Today, I'm in a way better place. I don't weigh 86 pounds, but I do still struggle with my weight and eating issues. But I'm getting better. I'm not where I was a year ago, and that's a good thing. I don't think anyone should be in the same "place" they were a year ago. Because wouldn't that be boring?

I'm happy. In fact, I'm the happiest I've ever been (if you don't count the months between November 2013 and May 2014). I have the BEST people in my life. I'm grateful for them. And in a way, I'm grateful for the people who aren't in my life anymore. Whether they walked out of my life or I walked out of theirs. There's a clear reason why we aren't in each other's lives anymore. I made 2015 the year about me. MY happiness and MY feelings are before anyone's. And it's funny, when I made that my mantra for this year, I've done a lot more breaking up with friends and it's left me more happy.

Hmm. Interesting.

It's left me with the people I truly love. Everyone who is in my life, I'm in love with.

This year is halfway over, and this has been such an amazing six months! 2015 is the best year I've had in a long time. I'm not saying that to jinx the second half, I'm saying that because this has truly been the best first half of a year ever. Everyone goes into a new year thinking "oh wow, this year is going to be awesome!" and sometimes that doesn't go over too well.

I didn't think that going into this year. I went into this year with the "okay 2015, what's up" and it's been great. This year has been awesome. Well, at least the first half was!

I have no real point to this except to talk about June 13th. Lots of ups and downs. But it's brought me to here, and I like where I am. Plus um.. that super cute stud of a missionary I sometimes talk about has been on his mission for eight months as of today.

Yet another reason to have June 13th be a thing.

Love you all. Happy Saturday.