Last night I was thinking about some things that had happened to me in my life as a whole. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but that's fine. I never totally make sense anyway. Entirely, I was thinking about the year 2014. I think I often speak of that year being The Worst Year of my Life.
And it should be. 2014 really should be the worst year of my life. I could make a case saying late 2012 to early 2013 were bad. But that was a span of months. 2014 consisted of twelve completely awful months for me. In a little bit of defense though, it didn't start out bad.
Actually, I remember it starting out with fireworks and having to deal with a crying baby. So no, it really had a bad start to totally begin with, now that I think about it. Well would you look at that. I'm actually sort of laughing how I never caught that until now. That's just incredible.
Without going into too many details because being detailed right now is something I don't want to be, having your own flesh and blood getting taken away from you is truly the worst. There is no pain ever that will get you ready for that. It was sudden and unexpected and not something I would wish on anyone. It was the most horrific experience.
When you think you like a guy and for some really stupid freaking reason you decide to throw out completely personal information for literally no reason at all and having that somehow draw red flags wasn't exactly too great either. That was a really stupid learning experience. Actually, he as a whole was a learning experience.
Don't trust boys with cute faces because they can turn very ugly in a snap.
Being homeless for what seemed like eternity but was really only a couple of days at most was probably the icing on the cake. I've said this before, but had my friend not smuggled me into her dorm room after I had overstayed there, I don't know where I'd be right now.
Probably dead.
Just kidding.
Not really.
Anyway, I was thinking about all of those things last night. The memories, the people, the feelings, the things taken away from me. A lot of things were taken away from me in the span of only a couple of months. Building myself back up from literally nothing at all was hard work. Probably the hardest work I've ever done and will ever do. I don't know why I started thinking of that year, and specifically, I was only thinking about the first half of the year. The second half was so much better, and it actually led to 2015 being one of the best years of my life ever.
I'm graduating college a year early in thirteen days. On top of that, I'm a double major.
I'm going to law school because I have a great GPA and my LSAT score is better than I thought it was going to be. I thought it was going to be so low, but it was higher than what I was reaching for. And I remember when I got my score back, I was just so over the moon excited.
Things like that have made me give myself more credit than what I was usually giving myself. I've done a lot of great things over the last two years and it's time for me to give myself more pats on the back for doing good things.
The next few months are going to be crazy and hectic and full of travel and friends and great things, and I truly can't wait to see what sort of great things will be done specifically. 2014 is so far in the rearview but somehow I always keep looking back to make sure I don't turn around and go back there. It wasn't fun for anyone and I refuse to put myself back there.
That's a road that no one needs to go down.
Today, Sunday, isn't so bad! Today I took a shower and then I went to church and then I took a bath and then I did some laundry and now I'm sitting here blogging and listening to one of my records. I love that vinyl is still a thing. It just sounds so much better.
The aesthetic. Of course.
Here's to good things in 2016.
Building myself
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Yes I'm aware of the massive new header picture. Believe it or not, I actually clicked on "shrink to fit" because it would have taken up the entirety of the blog probably. I'll more than likely fix it when it's not almost two in the morning because I can't sleep. Typical.
But I'm probably going to be updating my blog layout again soon anyway, so I'll probably keep it until then to be honest.
In any case, here are the two songs that are stuck in my head.
GhostBusters theme song*.
The theme to Step By Step**.
* = I love Bill Murray. But who didn't already know that?
** = This show needs to make a comeback.
But I'm probably going to be updating my blog layout again soon anyway, so I'll probably keep it until then to be honest.
In any case, here are the two songs that are stuck in my head.
GhostBusters theme song*.
The theme to Step By Step**.
* = I love Bill Murray. But who didn't already know that?
** = This show needs to make a comeback.
Thursday, April 14, 2016
To start,
I really hate Facebook. I can't stand that stupid website and the only reason why I'm still on it is because I like seeing funny pictures of dogs and looking at pictures in general and looking back on statuses and wall comments I wrote back in the way day. And to look in the private picture albums I have on there from back in the high school days.
I should post a #tbt on there today.
But the thing I also disliked (I say disliked in past tense because I don't hate it anymore) was the memory thing they've included over the last.. I don't know how long. You know, Facebook's version of Time Hop? Yeah that. I generally ignore those pop up's on my feed because I don't care what I did this time last year. But I thought on a whim that I would click the "on this day" thing on the sidebar and see what I was doing on April 14.
Last year was snowing and I had a friend post a comment about how they were wondering what I was doing. This time last year, I was up in the mountains helping myself. So I think me and my homegirl Paige were having fun and making snow angels or snowmen or doing something of the sort.
Two years ago, I was at classes at the college I go to, and I was having a massive breakdown. I remember I got home from what I was doing at work at the time and I fell on the floor crying because I couldn't do it. I couldn't go to work and do classes at once. I had to do one or the other because both was too much for me. I was still in my first year of college and I was in a brand new place and I didn't know anyone. It was pretty tough. And life was about to get a whole lot tougher.
Side note, I'm about to graduate undergrad from that college one year early because I got my booty into gear and stepped it up. I CAN do work and classes at the same time (not literally at the same time, of course). Hard work does pay off.
The thing I pinged on the most was what I was going through three years ago today.
Apparently, on April 14, 2013, I was 200 days self harm free. And I remember how I was feeling then. I wasn't feeling good. I may have implied that I felt good. But I didn't. 200 days is a really awesome milestone and I'm so proud of myself but that doesn't mean I was feeling great or on top of the world. I was going through a lot and I was going to go through a lot worse (now that I'm thinking about it, May has always been a really shlitty month for me - May 2016 let's be friends pls).
The one from three years ago is the one I decided to share onto my feed for my friends and family to see. I'm not sure if I can share it onto my public page, but let me know if you want to read what I posted three years ago because if someone out there is struggling with their self harm, I want them to know that I've been there and I know how you feel.
I'm open about my struggles because I've felt alone with my feelings and I felt like I was the only person who was going through the things I was. I felt alone and stuck. I ignored and declined offers from friends who offered me their ear if I wanted to talk or vent about things and because of that, when I really wanted to talk, I felt alone because they weren't offering anymore. And the absolute worst feeling is feeling like you're alone with how you feel, and I don't want anyone to feel alone. Ever.
Life three years later in 2016 is so much better. I'm thriving and I'm way more happy. I remember last summer, I was so happy some days that my mouth was aching from all of my smiling. I was happy then. And, if it's possible, I'm happier now. Like I said, I got my butt into gear and I'm graduating in 23 days. A year early. And this summer, I'm about to move and go to law school. I'm about to be Elle FREAKING Woods. I want to make a difference. And I'm going to.
So that's why I now used to dislike the memory thing that Facebook does.
It's pretty astounding to look back on the struggles and hardships you were facing and compare it to how you're doing in life now. We aren't who we were three years ago. Yes, we all face tough blocks in our paths, and we try and clear our path the best we can, and sometimes we may need to get some help from a friend. We may even need to extend a hand to someone else who has their own roadblocks.
Everyone is struggling with something in their life, so take the time to listen if they need to talk. Be that little act of kindness because that small offer may be the best thing that happens to them today. Maybe someone got something out of this little post, and if even one person gets something good out of this, then I know I've done my job right.
I love you all. I'm always here if you need to talk, and if you want to talk, there are many hotlines you can call if you need some help if you don't feel safe talking to a friend or family member or school counselor.
You're worthy. And you are loved.
Here's to now being 1,296 days self harm free.
I really hate Facebook. I can't stand that stupid website and the only reason why I'm still on it is because I like seeing funny pictures of dogs and looking at pictures in general and looking back on statuses and wall comments I wrote back in the way day. And to look in the private picture albums I have on there from back in the high school days.
I should post a #tbt on there today.
But the thing I also disliked (I say disliked in past tense because I don't hate it anymore) was the memory thing they've included over the last.. I don't know how long. You know, Facebook's version of Time Hop? Yeah that. I generally ignore those pop up's on my feed because I don't care what I did this time last year. But I thought on a whim that I would click the "on this day" thing on the sidebar and see what I was doing on April 14.
Last year was snowing and I had a friend post a comment about how they were wondering what I was doing. This time last year, I was up in the mountains helping myself. So I think me and my homegirl Paige were having fun and making snow angels or snowmen or doing something of the sort.
Two years ago, I was at classes at the college I go to, and I was having a massive breakdown. I remember I got home from what I was doing at work at the time and I fell on the floor crying because I couldn't do it. I couldn't go to work and do classes at once. I had to do one or the other because both was too much for me. I was still in my first year of college and I was in a brand new place and I didn't know anyone. It was pretty tough. And life was about to get a whole lot tougher.
Side note, I'm about to graduate undergrad from that college one year early because I got my booty into gear and stepped it up. I CAN do work and classes at the same time (not literally at the same time, of course). Hard work does pay off.
The thing I pinged on the most was what I was going through three years ago today.
Apparently, on April 14, 2013, I was 200 days self harm free. And I remember how I was feeling then. I wasn't feeling good. I may have implied that I felt good. But I didn't. 200 days is a really awesome milestone and I'm so proud of myself but that doesn't mean I was feeling great or on top of the world. I was going through a lot and I was going to go through a lot worse (now that I'm thinking about it, May has always been a really shlitty month for me - May 2016 let's be friends pls).
The one from three years ago is the one I decided to share onto my feed for my friends and family to see. I'm not sure if I can share it onto my public page, but let me know if you want to read what I posted three years ago because if someone out there is struggling with their self harm, I want them to know that I've been there and I know how you feel.
I'm open about my struggles because I've felt alone with my feelings and I felt like I was the only person who was going through the things I was. I felt alone and stuck. I ignored and declined offers from friends who offered me their ear if I wanted to talk or vent about things and because of that, when I really wanted to talk, I felt alone because they weren't offering anymore. And the absolute worst feeling is feeling like you're alone with how you feel, and I don't want anyone to feel alone. Ever.
Life three years later in 2016 is so much better. I'm thriving and I'm way more happy. I remember last summer, I was so happy some days that my mouth was aching from all of my smiling. I was happy then. And, if it's possible, I'm happier now. Like I said, I got my butt into gear and I'm graduating in 23 days. A year early. And this summer, I'm about to move and go to law school. I'm about to be Elle FREAKING Woods. I want to make a difference. And I'm going to.
So that's why I now used to dislike the memory thing that Facebook does.
It's pretty astounding to look back on the struggles and hardships you were facing and compare it to how you're doing in life now. We aren't who we were three years ago. Yes, we all face tough blocks in our paths, and we try and clear our path the best we can, and sometimes we may need to get some help from a friend. We may even need to extend a hand to someone else who has their own roadblocks.
Everyone is struggling with something in their life, so take the time to listen if they need to talk. Be that little act of kindness because that small offer may be the best thing that happens to them today. Maybe someone got something out of this little post, and if even one person gets something good out of this, then I know I've done my job right.
I love you all. I'm always here if you need to talk, and if you want to talk, there are many hotlines you can call if you need some help if you don't feel safe talking to a friend or family member or school counselor.
You're worthy. And you are loved.
Here's to now being 1,296 days self harm free.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Because I'm super clever with my blog post titles, right?
Anyway, I've gotten some feedback from really awesome people on Tumblr, and I just want to throw out a huge thank you to the people who talked me down! From what's been told to me, it looks like my private blog(s) will stay private, so that's a massive relief. I was really worried about having to deal with someone potentially seeing some really private things.
Blogging/typing is just a whole lot easier than actually writing, no matter how much I love to write things down. Honestly, I have so many things written down in list format and such, it's not even funny. But blogging is definitely one of my true passions, even if no one's ever going to read it except for me and the people I allow. Especially if I spent real money on blog layouts from Etsy (that I'm about to do again in a week or so to overhaul this blog once more) and put them to a blog no one will read. At least one person is reading it, and that person is me.
And yeah, maybe I want to have a cutesy blog even if I'm going to be the only one putting eyes on it. That's not a bad thing. In fact, I encourage it. And I also encourage people taking a page out of my playbook and getting your own blog. And even if you make it private, make it as cute as you want. Even if you don't go on Etsy and buy an actual layout for it, there are a billion different ways to customize it through the designs on here for free. Blogs are adorable and not one is the same so you will literally be your own little special snowflake.
I didn't think I was going to keep blogging ever back when I made my first blog in 2012. I didn't want to keep at it and I certainly didn't think I was going to still be writing in it four years from then, but here I am, still blogging in it. All the good things and all the bad things that have happened to me since then (yes, including the dreaded year of 2014 altogether) are in there and I would hate if that went public.
So I'm truly happy that it looks like that blog will be staying locked up and for me only. I sort of wish Google/whatever owns this site would pull a Tumblr and make private blogs password protected. That would make it so much more secure to me.
But until then, I will continue to be appreciative of blogs staying where they need to be.
xx
Anyway, I've gotten some feedback from really awesome people on Tumblr, and I just want to throw out a huge thank you to the people who talked me down! From what's been told to me, it looks like my private blog(s) will stay private, so that's a massive relief. I was really worried about having to deal with someone potentially seeing some really private things.
Blogging/typing is just a whole lot easier than actually writing, no matter how much I love to write things down. Honestly, I have so many things written down in list format and such, it's not even funny. But blogging is definitely one of my true passions, even if no one's ever going to read it except for me and the people I allow. Especially if I spent real money on blog layouts from Etsy (that I'm about to do again in a week or so to overhaul this blog once more) and put them to a blog no one will read. At least one person is reading it, and that person is me.
And yeah, maybe I want to have a cutesy blog even if I'm going to be the only one putting eyes on it. That's not a bad thing. In fact, I encourage it. And I also encourage people taking a page out of my playbook and getting your own blog. And even if you make it private, make it as cute as you want. Even if you don't go on Etsy and buy an actual layout for it, there are a billion different ways to customize it through the designs on here for free. Blogs are adorable and not one is the same so you will literally be your own little special snowflake.
I didn't think I was going to keep blogging ever back when I made my first blog in 2012. I didn't want to keep at it and I certainly didn't think I was going to still be writing in it four years from then, but here I am, still blogging in it. All the good things and all the bad things that have happened to me since then (yes, including the dreaded year of 2014 altogether) are in there and I would hate if that went public.
So I'm truly happy that it looks like that blog will be staying locked up and for me only. I sort of wish Google/whatever owns this site would pull a Tumblr and make private blogs password protected. That would make it so much more secure to me.
But until then, I will continue to be appreciative of blogs staying where they need to be.
xx
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Hey y'all!
I thought I would share some thoughts and maybe throw out a few questions to the public and hopefully get some answers because this is something that is sort of confusing to me and frankly a little bit worrisome.
Yesterday (Monday the 4th), I logged into my other Blogger account on here (the account that contains my really private blog that I don't share with others unless I log them in onto my account and let them read it - which has been a very small amount of people) and I noticed this big blue box at the top. Here's the screenshot that I took when I logged into this account to write this post:
I mean... call me a ninety year old grandma, but what does this mean? Does this mean my private blogs will be public by default now? If so, I really don't like this nor do I really want to continue with Blogspot/Blogger/Google/whatever the heck this is anymore. It's not that I have anything really "bad" on other blogs that are private, but I've had a blog on here for four years now that has nothing but really personal things and stories that I would really wish to keep private.
I thought recording all of the things I've needed to share onto a blog that I could keep private was awesome and great, and it seems to me like this ^ up there is going to.. I don't know, hinder that?
Yes, I have journals. I have many journals for many things. But to be honest, I type quicker than I write, and I can easily access my blog to show to my therapist, for example. I can also easily get journals mixed up (yes, I could label them, I know) but it's not hard to get blogs mixed up.
Or am I totally overreacting and I can still keep my private blog(s) private? I would love it if I could. Because if not, I'll probably have to make the really tedious move to Wordpress. I would hate to do that because I HATE Wordpress but I think they're also more laid back and chill about things. I do have a Wordpress blog that I think I've only used three times.
I'd keep this blog on here though and not move anything. This blog is public and for anyone to read because I don't share as much as my life story on here as I do in my other blog.
Please please please let me know what that little statement means. I've tried to get an explanation but I can't find one. Please comment or email me or heck, message me on Tumblr (I'm going to link this to my Tumblr) and let me know.
I just want to know if I need to move things over the next month.
I thought I would share some thoughts and maybe throw out a few questions to the public and hopefully get some answers because this is something that is sort of confusing to me and frankly a little bit worrisome.
Yesterday (Monday the 4th), I logged into my other Blogger account on here (the account that contains my really private blog that I don't share with others unless I log them in onto my account and let them read it - which has been a very small amount of people) and I noticed this big blue box at the top. Here's the screenshot that I took when I logged into this account to write this post:
I mean... call me a ninety year old grandma, but what does this mean? Does this mean my private blogs will be public by default now? If so, I really don't like this nor do I really want to continue with Blogspot/Blogger/Google/whatever the heck this is anymore. It's not that I have anything really "bad" on other blogs that are private, but I've had a blog on here for four years now that has nothing but really personal things and stories that I would really wish to keep private.
I thought recording all of the things I've needed to share onto a blog that I could keep private was awesome and great, and it seems to me like this ^ up there is going to.. I don't know, hinder that?
Yes, I have journals. I have many journals for many things. But to be honest, I type quicker than I write, and I can easily access my blog to show to my therapist, for example. I can also easily get journals mixed up (yes, I could label them, I know) but it's not hard to get blogs mixed up.
Or am I totally overreacting and I can still keep my private blog(s) private? I would love it if I could. Because if not, I'll probably have to make the really tedious move to Wordpress. I would hate to do that because I HATE Wordpress but I think they're also more laid back and chill about things. I do have a Wordpress blog that I think I've only used three times.
I'd keep this blog on here though and not move anything. This blog is public and for anyone to read because I don't share as much as my life story on here as I do in my other blog.
Please please please let me know what that little statement means. I've tried to get an explanation but I can't find one. Please comment or email me or heck, message me on Tumblr (I'm going to link this to my Tumblr) and let me know.
I just want to know if I need to move things over the next month.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Hi peeps!
Life has been super good this last week because I was on my last spring break of the school year! I had this last week off from teaching and my friend and I went to South Lake Tahoe and it didn't disappoint! I posted some pictures on my Instagram, so feel free to follow me and see the cool adventures I've been on if you want! The link to all of that is up top.
Life has also been super good because it's conference weekend!
What's that, you ask?
Click here!
At the bottom of the link I provided, it also gives a brief summary of what this is all about. Basically, it's Christmas for us Mormons. If you've ever wanted to be uplifted in the absolute most spiritual of ways, go there. You can watch the sessions that happened today, yesterday, and conferences last year and the year before that! It's really powerful stuff and will more likely than not blow your mind.
It's truly incredible. I know that this church is true.
And if you have questions about Mormons and what we believe in, click here!
If you want to attend church but not sure where to go, click here and find where you live on the map.
If you want to talk with people about the church and ask questions, click here and refer yourself! Really awesome missionaries will then come to your house and you can ask them whatever questions you have. They're great people and they'll probably love you.
Other than that, that's pretty much all I have for the blog at the moment. I thought that I was going to be the ultimate 20-something Utah girl stereotype and have a job that consists of blogging, but I'm sort of glad I broke that mold lol. No offense to anyone in Utah who does blog for a living. You do you, girl. Or guy. I don't judge.
Blogging is just a fun thing to do on the side when I have a free moment. I don't get paid to talk about the things that I do talk about. No one sponsors me to talk about a product or review it. I do this for fun. Although I'm open to reviewing anything if someone wants me to. If someone or a company wants to send me a phone case, for example, I'll definitely use it and review it for you. Email me (link is up top) and we'll chat.
Shameless self promotion.
I mean, duh.
Also I graduate college in just over a month, so I'm doing last minute things I should have done earlier, but it's all going really well. I'm in a good place and I got accepted to my dream law school, so things are falling into place right now and I can't say I hate it.
Things be good, things be good.
I love you all. Do good things and make good choices.
xo
Life has been super good this last week because I was on my last spring break of the school year! I had this last week off from teaching and my friend and I went to South Lake Tahoe and it didn't disappoint! I posted some pictures on my Instagram, so feel free to follow me and see the cool adventures I've been on if you want! The link to all of that is up top.
Life has also been super good because it's conference weekend!
What's that, you ask?
Click here!
At the bottom of the link I provided, it also gives a brief summary of what this is all about. Basically, it's Christmas for us Mormons. If you've ever wanted to be uplifted in the absolute most spiritual of ways, go there. You can watch the sessions that happened today, yesterday, and conferences last year and the year before that! It's really powerful stuff and will more likely than not blow your mind.
It's truly incredible. I know that this church is true.
And if you have questions about Mormons and what we believe in, click here!
If you want to attend church but not sure where to go, click here and find where you live on the map.
If you want to talk with people about the church and ask questions, click here and refer yourself! Really awesome missionaries will then come to your house and you can ask them whatever questions you have. They're great people and they'll probably love you.
Other than that, that's pretty much all I have for the blog at the moment. I thought that I was going to be the ultimate 20-something Utah girl stereotype and have a job that consists of blogging, but I'm sort of glad I broke that mold lol. No offense to anyone in Utah who does blog for a living. You do you, girl. Or guy. I don't judge.
Blogging is just a fun thing to do on the side when I have a free moment. I don't get paid to talk about the things that I do talk about. No one sponsors me to talk about a product or review it. I do this for fun. Although I'm open to reviewing anything if someone wants me to. If someone or a company wants to send me a phone case, for example, I'll definitely use it and review it for you. Email me (link is up top) and we'll chat.
Shameless self promotion.
I mean, duh.
Also I graduate college in just over a month, so I'm doing last minute things I should have done earlier, but it's all going really well. I'm in a good place and I got accepted to my dream law school, so things are falling into place right now and I can't say I hate it.
Things be good, things be good.
I love you all. Do good things and make good choices.
xo
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