Y'all are the greatest. Keep reading along! It boosts my confidence level of "does my blog suck or should I keep writing in it?". So.. thanks, everyone. It means a lot. I'm not sure why you read it, but it means a lot that you do anyway.
I love you all.
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So.. today. September 5th.
The big 9/5/15.
September is full of good things and here's one of the first ones.
I'm going to dive head first into something from my past. Something that I don't talk about online or really anytime at all. I used to, but when I was cleaning up my act and realizing a lot of things about myself around this time last year, I stopped. Some personal things need to stay just that. Personal. But this is a good milestone so I'm going to share it.
Three years ago, I wasn't in a good place. I was self harming and had eating disorders. It wasn't a good time and I would never wish that on anyone. Three years ago, I was also suicidal. I wanted death so badly it wasn't even funny. I look back on the journals that I had written in back then, and it was all I could talk about. All I ever wanted was something to come out and completely end me.
I thought I had done everything I needed to. I thought I was too messed up to fix. I was too afraid I'd come off as needy if I asked for help, so when I tried to help myself it never worked because I could never commit. I wanted to kill myself. I would sit in class (at that time I was in my junior year of high school) and all I could think of were ways that I could do it when I got home.
September 5th, 2012 was the last time I attempted suicide. I remember everything exactly how it happened. It was just at the beginning of my senior year of high school (before heart blah blahs happened if you're familiar with my backstory) and I had the way I wanted to do it perfectly planned (no, I'm not going to explain the methods I tried to do it, but there were two ways I tried to go about doing it) and I knew it was going to go 100% perfectly.
Long story short, it (clearly) didn't go 100% perfectly.
And looking back.. wow am I ever so glad it didn't. Life is the best it's been. Later on this month, I'll be three years self harm free. I'm so grateful for the hard work I've done these last few years to turn into who I am now. I'm still not totally great (who really is) and that's to be expected. We're not all perfect and we all have hiccups. But we learn from the hiccups. Because life is amazing.
I have a fun way of celebrating three years self harm free, but that's for later on in the month. It'll be fun. I'm always into the "treat yo self" movement, especially when you're celebrating something good like that. Self love is the best love, people!
And yes. I celebrated being alive and not dead. Last night.
In SLC.
Seeing my favorite singer.
I. SAW. TAYLOR. SWIFT.
I'm feeling massive post concert depression.
At first, I had no idea who I was going to go with. I wanted to go with my friend Hannah, but she couldn't make the drive. I wanted to go with my friend Sierra, but she was busy. Guess who wasn't busy though?
Paige.
My H House homegirl.
Abso-flipping-lutely.
We had a BLAST. And Tay killed it, as per usual. I would blog about what I wore, but all I wore was a white tank top, a black concert tour t shirt that I put on over it, a cute skirt, and some Converse shoes. Nothing too fancy shmancy.
It was so much fun. Vance Joy was there and he sang my favorite song of his and I cried. Oops.
Legit how I felt. Haha. But it was so great. Taylor came out and killed it, obviously. She sang Welcome to New York and me and Paige changed the words from "Welcome to New York" to "Welcome to Salt Lake". Naturally.
She sang my favorite song off 1989 and I also cried during then. I'm such a freaking sap. But it was too much fun at the same time. Honestly, if anyone has even a slight chance of getting to see Taylor Swift live, go do it. It's a fun experience and a great atmosphere and the people who were around us were go nice and energetic and.. it was just a ton of fun. I'm glad I have those memories.
So after Taylor Swift, we were going to go home. I knew about this before (and this is where my super fun and spontaneous and surprise thing comes into play!) but I decided to pretend that I didn't. Paige was driving back up to my house where she was going to spend the three day weekend (yay!) but I realized about twenty or so minutes into the car ride back that she was going the wrong way. She was going south. You need to go north to get back to where I live. I told her that she was going the wrong way. She played into my silliness and said "well you know, if I keep driving, we'll eventually end up in Vegas".
And at a little past 3:00 this morning, we ended up in Vegas. And again, I knew all about this. We randomly planned it and booked a hotel earlier.
I woke up this morning in Vegas craving cake hardcore. So I went and got cake because it's a three day weekend and I'm treating myself. I also plan on going to the pool because it's more or less 90 degrees here. I hate hot weather, but I'm still able to wear summer clothes. I guess that's a perk of living in the desert.
We also went to the mall (specifically, I went to Barnes and Noble and just had to check out the Bath & Body Works to see what they had) and I got a few things! I don't have pictures taken and I don't feel like taking them right now, but I got a really cute planner! I already pre ordered another planner from A Beautiful Mess, and now I have this one. I've been wanting to use a planner for work and for life and lookie there, now I have two!
Except... I just wish the pre orders would ship!
From Bath, I got a new sugar scrub because my old one was starting to run out, another bubble bath, some shower gels, and some lotion (and not body cream!). The fall scents are starting to emerge, you guys! I nabbed a fall scent and I hope to get the ones I want when they all come out I think next week. Then I'll be completely good on scents.
I already got all the winter ones I wanted on Amazon awhile back. I'm good on other scents that remind me of fall and winter (Twilight Woods and Moonlight Path for example) and I hate the spring/summer scents so woo hoo!
Finally my obsession can come to an end! I'll take pictures of my stuff later on and maybe I'll edit this post or make a brand new one hauling my cool junk.
Anyway, that's what I've got today. I'm going to go.. maybe eat more cake. And celebrate life.
I love you all.
xx
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