Happy June 13! I know that no one is really going to understand what's so special about June 13, but let me tell you how much meaning it has for me personally. Two things happened to me at two different times in my life that were completely life changing.
On June 13, 2012, I was in the hospital. In 2012, I was really struggling with my weight and eating disorders. I was in the hospital because I weighed only eighty six pounds. In 2012, I knew I was struggling with my eating, and I didn't want anyone to help me. I thought that I could handle it on my own and help myself, so I lashed out at people who would genuinely try to help me. But no, I was stubborn and insisted I could fix myself.
I learned that sometimes you may need someone to help you out along the way. And it doesn't make you a bad person if you admit defeat and reach out for help. I didn't do that, and it got to the point where people interfered and helped me, for me, not caring about any tantrum I may have thrown.
My body was almost completely shut down four years ago today. My heart was already bad to begin with, and this wasn't helping it at all. I didn't know it at the time (and now I fully understand), but your heart could stop at any given time when you have a weight that low with the body type that I had (I'm 5'2"). I didn't know that, and when I learned that when I got out, it terrified me.
Four years later, I'm doing better. I don't weigh eighty six pounds anymore. I'm not 100% better, and spoiler alert for mostly me, it's never going to get better. I may be able to eat pizza without feeling bad (most of the time), but I'm always going to think about it in the back of my head. Things like that aren't something you get rid of. It's always going to be there with you even when you are fully healed (and this is simply my opinion - if you think differently then that's you).
Three years ago, on June 13, 2013, I graduated high school. Something I never thought I would have done. I thought I was going to be dead a year before. But I accomplished something that I never thought I'd do, and I'll always be proud of myself for that. Also a year before, 2012, I attempted suicide three times. And each time didn't work. At the time, I was so angry that each time didn't work. I can't even remember how angry I was.
But now, I'm so happy that it didn't happen. I'm so happy and SO blessed to still be here. I mean, I freaking graduated high school! That was one of my proudest moments, and while I still faked my happiness more times than I didn't, the pictures of my graduation that are on my Facebook account are of my genuinely being happy. I tackled a lot over the course of my senior year of high school, and I killed it. And I walked away from high school with flying colors.
Those are really the only two major things to happen to me on June 13. I always make time to remember those two things because they're so important to me. Some things like recovering or graduating deserve to be remembered because they're a major part of your life and they're also a part of you. Don't be afraid to celebrate life or that you graduated high school three years ago. I know I'm going to be making a post just like this one year from now.
I love you all so much.
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