Another one opens.
I can't fathom how many times that saying has calmed me down from certain scenarios. This week being one of them. Today was the last day of school, and the last day of me being a teacher. For the last two school years, I've been a teacher to the coolest first graders in the entire world.
I just came onto the blog after making a post on my Tumblr (link to that is in the sidebar) about how sad I am about it, because I'm terribly heartbroken about it. The journey I went on to becoming a teacher took a little while, but I'm proud of myself for doing what I've wanted to do for awhile. There aren't many things I'm proud of myself for doing (self confidence levels), but being a teacher and being a photographer are the two things that make me proud.
Teaching and photography are the two things that have always come naturally to me. My parents were teachers, and my dad still is. My mom has been sick for a long while now, and before that, she was a teacher and then she ran a daycare. I've been around teaching and kids for a majority of my life, and I didn't think I wanted to be a teacher at first, no matter how I thought about it.
When I was at BYU, I wanted to be a social worker. Then I realized that that wasn't for me and that I wanted to be a psychologist instead, so I went ahead and majored in Psychology. Then I wanted to major in Photography. Then I moved. Then I moved back to Utah. It was between then that I realized I wanted to work with kids, but I didn't know what specifically I wanted to do, so I tried the Family Life major. It wasn't for me, and I knew that.
After a little bit, I finally settled with my Elementary Education major, emphasizing in Social Studies. And I double majored in Elementary Education and Art (emphasizing in Photography). I finally had all of that figured out, and I was so happy that I was able to know what I wanted to do. It was awesome. And being able to teach in the 2014-2015 and the 2015-2016 school years were the best. Like I said, it came so naturally to me.
These were the two things that were so fluid to me and I understood how things worked and how they didn't. When I didn't know something, I wasn't afraid to ask questions for once. Teaching and photography are the two most rewarding things, because it's not just about me. It's about others. It's about the kids, it's about the parents, it's about the people who tell their stories while getting their picture taken.
I just want to help kids get smarter and to listen to what people have to say through images. Those are so important to me and I want to do it more and more. Putting those two things (moreso teaching) on the back burner breaks my heart. I'm not going to stop photography, but I am going to not be doing it as much when I go to law school, because I hear that law school is incredibly time consuming and I hear that it's easy to not even have a job in the first year because it's going to take up all your time. So I'm going to take that advice and not photograph as much. However, since it really is my main source of income, I won't be quitting all together.
Yes, I graduated with a degree in Elementary Education, and yes, that's a perfect fall back option if law school doesn't go the way I want. I'm not going to blow law school on purpose just so I can go back to teaching, not at all. But I'm definitely keeping that option out there if I don't like it. Except I won't be back here where I am, and I'll be in SLC instead. But teaching is teaching. If law school doesn't pan out, I would be happy to go anywhere. I'm so thankful to have even had the chance to teach. It's incredible. And little kids are the coolest people ever.
I'm just riding the struggle bus, and it's a little difficult. Change isn't easy for a lot of people, and if yo know me, you know that I'm the worst at change. I hate change, I can't stand change, I hate it. But I'm dealing with it. Law school could be the best thing ever and I'll have to just find that out for myself. It's okay to be sad about a chapter ending in your book of life. Bigger and better things could be coming my way.
We'll have to see.
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