Why?
Why am I surprised?
Why am I shocked?
Why am I crying?
Why?
Why?
Why?
I shouldn't be as surprised as I am, honestly. I truly don't know what I do that causes this to happen. Every. Single. Time. It's like... what do I need to fix?
Do I need to jump off a cliff or something?
Is it the simple fact that I'm breathing? That I'm keeping myself alive?
What am I doing that's so wrong?
And why am I surprised?
I don't need to cry over this. This is not a crying matter, especially when I'm so used to it.
Where is the person that slaps me into reality and screams "Lily, get a freaking hold of yourself! Grow up and stop crying!" in my face? Where is that person?
I am not that person. I cannot do that. I don't know how to do that. Moreso, I don't know how to do that and have myself accurately listen to me. When it comes to things like that, I don't listen to myself. I can't listen to myself. Little things, sure. But telling myself to grow up and stop crying? Nope.
When it comes down to it, I'm basically a big baby. I can do hard things, but God forbid I have a mental breakdown when it comes to things like this.
I'm scared.
I'm sad.
I'm mad.
And I'm worried.
Simply put: I just want to know if you're alive.
x
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