Oh hey, I'm back from Paris.
No pictures yet, and I still have to upload them to Facebook. So much junk to do this month. But oh well. I kind of like being busy.
I talked about the following on my private blog, and I'm going to go a little more in depth about it. But only a little. But it's a learning experience. And sometimes those things will wind up on here. Basically, I've noticed a reoccurring theme with my friends and family. Including my missionary friends. It's not limited to certain people, it's something we all go through in life. And we've already gone through a lot of them. Yes, it's a thing. In fact, it's literally a thing. Basically:
"I can do hard things."
And I can. You can. Every single person can. And we have. We've all done hard things. And this week, I did a hard thing. Okay, it wasn't like the hardest thing I've ever had to do (we won't get into the hardest thing I've had to do, and I probably will never talk about that on here, sorrynotsorry), but it wasn't easy.
I had to break up with a friend.
And I say that it wasn't the hardest because it's not like we were talking or close anyway. So that helped a lot. Before I left for Paris, I blocked both of her numbers. I had unfollowed her on Instagram about a week or so before that. The day I got back from Paris, I unfriended her on Facebook. And I unfollowed her on Tumblr while I was in Paris. Getting someone off from your social media is very important. It helps a lot. You don't want to not be friends with someone and still see them online.
I've never been the one to "break up" with friends because the other person is usually the one who does it to me. But this time, it was my turn. And you know what? I don't feel bad about it. I needed this person out of my life for the longest time, but if you know me, you know I tend to lollygag. A lot. And I lollygagged with this for months. Literally. I was afraid of what would happen if I said it to her because (and I mean this with no offense at all because I can be the same) she's not exactly the person who reacts well to things like that (again, I'm the same).
But then I had to remember what 2015 is all about. It's about me. It's about putting my needs and wants and happiness first before others. I've spent so many years beating myself up and putting everyone before me and it's broken me down. And I'm not going to do that anymore. I need to make myself happy, and that means having people in my life who make me happy.
About a month or so ago, I reblogged a thing on my Tumblr that was a generic "send me a name in this list below and I'll write a letter to that person" ask prompt thing or whatever, and someone asked me to write a letter to my past self. And I had to really think about it. So I wrote a letter to the Lily from... oh, maybe October 2011. Before anything bad happened to her. In it, I included the following:
"You drop some dead weight from your life and you pick pieces up and put them in your life. Some of those pieces are going to be left away, but that's okay. You can't keep everything. Your hands will get full."
And I'm so glad I was sure to tell myself that it was okay. I bolded that part because it's the most important. And what I wrote to myself was true. I'm not going to be able to carry everything because my hands will get full. No one is able to carry everything. And no, in this metaphoric sense, you can't just get a trash bag and put all your stuff in it. Or maybe you can. But eventually that bag is going to get full and break. Then you'll need another bag and carry more stuff in it while carrying your broken bag. It just won't work. And don't expect it to work.
And that's what I did. I dropped a piece so maybe I can pick up another piece along the walk of life. I only want and need good things and people in my life. And now that I did this, I'm happy. I'm even a little bit relieved. It makes me happy that I have the best people in my life. And I love them all.
xoxo
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